Photo of psychotherapist Alessia Zita. Nice smile, holding a hot chocolate, dressed cozy in front of a Christmas tree — *Psychotherapist Alessia Zita*

Grief Counselling in Oakville

Grief is one of the most complex emotional experiences we encounter as humans. Whether the loss involves a loved one, a relationship, or a life chapter, it can feel overwhelming and disorienting, especially as we face milestones like holidays. At our Oakville counselling clinic, for many, the first holiday season after a significant loss brings waves of emotions—from sadness and anger to nostalgia and confusion. As a therapist, I often remind my clients that grief is not linear, and there is no “right” way to navigate it. Reach out to me, psychotherapist Alessia Zita to connect.

Let’s explore the grieving process, what to expect during the first holidays after a loss, and practical strategies to help you honour your grief and care for yourself during this challenging time.

What are the Stages of Grief?

There are 5 Stages of Grief. While these stages can provide a helpful framework, it’s important to remember that grief is an individual process—you may not experience all the stages, and they may not occur in any particular order.

Here are the five stages of grief:

Denial: Denial often serves as a defence mechanism that allows us to absorb loss at our own pace. During this stage, you may feel numb, in shock, or unable to accept the reality of the loss. Thoughts like “This can’t be happening” are common.
Anger: As the initial shock begins to fade, emotions can intensify, leading to feelings of anger. You may feel angry at yourself, others, or even the person you lost. Questions like “Why me?” or “How could this happen?” may surface.
Bargaining: In this stage, you may find yourself dwelling on “what-ifs” and “if-only” scenarios. You might try to negotiate with a higher power or replay moments in your mind, hoping for a different outcome.
Depression: Feelings of sadness, loneliness, and despair often arise as the weight of the loss sinks in. This is a natural response to loss, and while it can feel isolating, it’s important to allow yourself to feel these emotions without judgment.
Acceptance: Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re “over” the loss. Instead, it reflects a shift toward understanding and integrating the loss into your life. You begin to acknowledge the reality of the loss and find ways to move forward while holding space for your grief.

It’s important to remember that grief is not linear, you cannot work your way from 1 to 5 in a direct oath per se. You may revisit stages multiple times or experience them in varying intensity. Grief is unique to you, shaped by your relationship with the person or thing you lost, your support system, and your personal coping style.

What to Expect The First Holidays After Grief?

The first holiday season after a loss can be one of the most challenging times of the grieving process. Holidays are often filled with traditions, memories, and expectations—all of which can heighten your awareness of the absence left by your loved one.

Here are some common experiences you may encounter:

Heightened Emotions: You might feel waves of sadness, anger, or longing. Memories associated with holiday traditions can bring comfort but may also trigger feelings of emptiness.
Pressure to Feel “Joyful”: The societal focus on joy and celebration can feel at odds with your grief. It’s normal to struggle with the expectation to be festive when you’re grieving.
Changes in Family Dynamics: Your family may feel incomplete without your loved one. Roles might shift, and traditions may feel different or painful.
Guilt for Enjoying Yourself: If you find moments of laughter or joy, you might feel guilty, as though experiencing happiness means you’re forgetting your loved one.
Physical and Mental Exhaustion: Grief can take a significant toll on your body and mind. The added stress of the holidays may leave you feeling drained, foggy, or unmotivated.

It’s important to remember that all of these feelings are normal. Grief is complex, and the holidays have a way of amplifying its impact. In Oakville or online, you can work alongside me, Alessia Zita, to begin navigating some of these common grief experiences, as well as more complex experiences.

What are strategies to Navigate the Holidays While Grieving in Oakville?

While nothing can erase the pain of loss, there are steps you can take to care for yourself and honour your loved one during the holiday season. Here are some suggestions:

1. Give Yourself Permission to Feel

Allow yourself to experience whatever emotions arise—whether it’s sadness, anger, or joy. There is no “right” way to grieve. Acknowledge your feelings and remind yourself that it’s okay to not be okay.

2. Set Boundaries

Be mindful of your energy and emotional limits. You don’t have to attend every event, engage in every tradition, or meet everyone’s expectations. It’s okay to say no to plans that feel overwhelming and to prioritize your own well-being.

3. Modify Traditions

Consider whether certain traditions bring comfort or pain. You might choose to adapt familiar traditions or to create new traditions that honour your loved one. For example, lighting a candle, sharing stories, or preparing their favourite dish can be a meaningful way to include their memory.

4. Find a Support System

Reach out to friends, family, or support groups who understand what you’re going through. Talking about your grief can help you feel less alone. If needed, therapy can provide a safe space to process your emotions and develop coping strategies.

5. Honour Your Loved One

Find ways to celebrate the life and love you shared. You might:

Hang an ornament in their memory
Write a letter to them
Donate to a charity in their name
Share stories or memories with others

Honouring your loved one can provide comfort and a sense of connection during the holidays.

6. Be Kind to Yourself

Grief can be exhausting, so be gentle with yourself. Allow time for rest, self-care, and activities that bring you comfort, even if they’re small. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer to a friend who is grieving.

A Gentle Reminder: Grief is a Journey

The holidays after a loss are not about pretending to be okay or rushing through your grief. Instead, they are an opportunity to honour your feelings, your loved one, and the reality of your experience. Grief doesn’t have an endpoint—it evolves over time as you learn to carry the loss alongside you.

If you are struggling with grief, know that you are not alone. It’s okay to ask for support, whether from friends, family, or a psychotherapist. Together, we can create space for your grief, explore ways to navigate this season, and help you find moments of meaning and connection, even amidst the pain.

You are allowed to grieve in your own way and at your own pace. Be patient with yourself, and remember: it’s okay to feel sadness and joy at the same time. Your grief is a testament to the love you shared, and that love will always be a part of you.

If you need additional support in navigating grief, especially during you family’s holidays/traditions, I’m here to help. Please feel free to reach out for a session—you don’t have to walk this journey alone.

You can reach out to schedule a 15 minute consultation at alessia.therapy@gmail.com, where we can explore how you can process and manage your grief during difficult life moments to support your journey toward healing and growth. Sessions are offered in-person in Oakville, as well as virtually.

Alessia Zita, Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying)