Grief Counselling in Oakville

Grief is one of the most complex emotional experiences we encounter as humans. Whether the loss involves a loved one, a relationship, or a life chapter, it can feel overwhelming and disorienting, especially as we face milestones like holidays. At our Oakville counselling clinic, for many, the first holiday season after a significant loss brings waves of emotions—from sadness and anger to nostalgia and confusion. As a therapist, I often remind my clients that grief is not linear, and there is no “right” way to navigate it. Reach out to me, psychotherapist Alessia Zita to connect.

Let’s explore the grieving process, what to expect during the first holidays after a loss, and practical strategies to help you honour your grief and care for yourself during this challenging time.

What are the Stages of Grief?

There are 5 Stages of Grief. While these stages can provide a helpful framework, it’s important to remember that grief is an individual process—you may not experience all the stages, and they may not occur in any particular order.

Here are the five stages of grief:

1. Denial: Denial often serves as a defence mechanism that allows us to absorb loss at our own pace. During this stage, you may feel numb, in shock, or unable to accept the reality of the loss. Thoughts like “This can’t be happening” are common.

2. Anger: As the initial shock begins to fade, emotions can intensify, leading to feelings of anger. You may feel angry at yourself, others, or even the person you lost. Questions like “Why me?” or “How could this happen?” may surface.

3. Bargaining: In this stage, you may find yourself dwelling on “what-ifs” and “if-only” scenarios. You might try to negotiate with a higher power or replay moments in your mind, hoping for a different outcome.

4. Depression: Feelings of sadness, loneliness, and despair often arise as the weight of the loss sinks in. This is a natural response to loss, and while it can feel isolating, it’s important to allow yourself to feel these emotions without judgment.

5. Acceptance: Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re “over” the loss. Instead, it reflects a shift toward understanding and integrating the loss into your life. You begin to acknowledge the reality of the loss and find ways to move forward while holding space for your grief.

It’s important to remember that grief is not linear, you cannot work your way from 1 to 5 in a direct oath per se. You may revisit stages multiple times or experience them in varying intensity. Grief is unique to you, shaped by your relationship with the person or thing you lost, your support system, and your personal coping style.

What to Expect The First Holidays After Grief?

The first holiday season after a loss can be one of the most challenging times of the grieving  process. Holidays are often filled with traditions, memories, and expectations—all of which can heighten your awareness of the absence left by your loved one.

Here are some common experiences you may encounter:

1. Heightened Emotions: You might feel waves of sadness, anger, or longing. Memories associated with holiday traditions can bring comfort but may also trigger feelings of emptiness.

2. Pressure to Feel “Joyful”: The societal focus on joy and celebration can feel at odds with your grief. It’s normal to struggle with the expectation to be festive when you’re grieving.

3. Changes in Family Dynamics: Your family may feel incomplete without your loved one. Roles might shift, and traditions may feel different or painful.

4. Guilt for Enjoying Yourself: If you find moments of laughter or joy, you might feel guilty, as though experiencing happiness means you’re forgetting your loved one.

5. Physical and Mental Exhaustion: Grief can take a significant toll on your body and mind. The added stress of the holidays may leave you feeling drained, foggy, or unmotivated.

It’s important to remember that all of these feelings are normal. Grief is complex, and the holidays have a way of amplifying its impact. In Oakville or online, you can work alongside me, Alessia Zita, to begin navigating some of these common grief experiences, as well as more complex experiences.

What are strategies to Navigate the Holidays While Grieving in Oakville?

While nothing can erase the pain of loss, there are steps you can take to care for yourself and honour your loved one during the holiday season. Here are some suggestions:

1. Give Yourself Permission to Feel

Allow yourself to experience whatever emotions arise—whether it’s sadness, anger, or joy. There is no “right” way to grieve. Acknowledge your feelings and remind yourself that it’s okay to not be okay.

2. Set Boundaries

Be mindful of your energy and emotional limits. You don’t have to attend every event, engage in every tradition, or meet everyone’s expectations. It’s okay to say no to plans that feel overwhelming and to prioritize your own well-being.

3. Modify Traditions

Consider whether certain traditions bring comfort or pain. You might choose to adapt familiar traditions or to create new traditions that honour your loved one. For example, lighting a candle, sharing stories, or preparing their favourite dish can be a meaningful way to include their memory.

4. Find a Support System

Reach out to friends, family, or support groups who understand what you’re going through. Talking about your grief can help you feel less alone. If needed, therapy can provide a safe space to process your emotions and develop coping strategies.

5. Honour Your Loved One

Find ways to celebrate the life and love you shared. You might:

• Hang an ornament in their memory

• Write a letter to them

• Donate to a charity in their name

• Share stories or memories with others

Honouring your loved one can provide comfort and a sense of connection during the holidays.

6. Be Kind to Yourself

Grief can be exhausting, so be gentle with yourself. Allow time for rest, self-care, and activities that bring you comfort, even if they’re small. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer to a friend who is grieving.

A Gentle Reminder: Grief is a Journey

The holidays after a loss are not about pretending to be okay or rushing through your grief. Instead, they are an opportunity to honour your feelings, your loved one, and the reality of your experience. Grief doesn’t have an endpoint—it evolves over time as you learn to carry the loss alongside you.

If you are struggling with grief, know that you are not alone. It’s okay to ask for support, whether from friends, family, or a psychotherapist. Together, we can create space for your grief, explore ways to navigate this season, and help you find moments of meaning and connection, even amidst the pain.

You are allowed to grieve in your own way and at your own pace. Be patient with yourself, and remember: it’s okay to feel sadness and joy at the same time. Your grief is a testament to the love you shared, and that love will always be a part of you.

If you need additional support in navigating grief, especially during you family’s holidays/traditions, I’m here to help. Please feel free to reach out for a session—you don’t have to walk this journey alone.

You can reach out to schedule a 15 minute consultation at alessia.therapy@gmail.com, where we can explore how you can process and manage your grief during difficult life moments to support your journey toward healing and growth. Sessions are offered in-person in Oakville, as well as virtually.

Alessia Zita, Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying)

The start of a new year brings a sense of renewal and the opportunity to set intentions for personal growth. While resolutions often focus on physical fitness or career goals, prioritizing mental health is just as important—if not more so. Engaging in activities that support mental well-being can set the tone for a balanced, fulfilling year ahead.

As a therapist, I encourage my clients to use the new year as a chance to reflect, reset, and integrate practices that nurture their emotional and mental health. Let’s explore the importance of mental health in the New Year together and look at practical activities to help you thrive in the months to come.

Why Mental Health Matters?

Mental health is the foundation of overall well-being. It influences how we think, feel, and act, as well as how we manage stress, relate to others, and make decisions. Prioritizing mental health can:

• Enhance your ability to cope with life’s challenges.

• Improve relationships with friends, family, and colleagues.

• Boost your productivity and focus.

• Increase your overall happiness and satisfaction.

Taking proactive steps to care for your mental health at the beginning of the year can create lasting benefits throughout the year.

What Activities Boost Mental Health in the New Year?

Here are ten activities to support your mental well-being as you step into the new year:

1. Set Realistic Goals

Setting goals provides direction and a sense of purpose. However, it’s essential to keep your goals achievable and aligned with your values. Break larger goals into smaller, actionable steps, and celebrate your progress along the way.

• Example: Instead of “I will exercise every day,” try “I will move my body in a way I enjoy three times a week for 30 minutes each.”

2. Practice Gratitude

Gratitude can shift your focus from what’s lacking in your life to what you have. Consider keeping a gratitude journal where you list three things you’re grateful for each day.

• Activity: Start each morning by reflecting on one thing you’re thankful for. It can be as simple as having a warm cup of coffee or a supportive friend.

3. Create a Morning Routine

Establishing a morning routine can set a positive tone for your day. Include activities that promote calmness and clarity, such as meditation, journaling, or light stretching.

• Tip: Keep it simple and consistent to avoid feeling overwhelmed.

4. Connect with Nature

Spending time in nature has been shown to reduce stress and improve mood. Whether it’s a walk in the park, hiking, or simply sitting outside, nature offers a grounding experience.

• Challenge: Commit to spending 20 minutes outdoors at least three times a week.

5. Foster Social Connections

Human connection is vital for mental health. Reach out to loved ones, join a club or group, or attend community events to build relationships.

• Idea: Host a small gathering or attend a virtual event to stay connected, especially if in-person interaction feels daunting.

6. Prioritize Self-Care

Self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. Make time for activities that recharge you, whether it’s reading, taking a bath, or pursuing a hobby.

• Self-Care Reminder: Schedule self-care like any other important appointment to ensure it becomes a regular practice.

7. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness involves being present in the moment without judgment. This practice can help reduce anxiety and improve emotional regulation.

• Exercise: Try a simple mindfulness technique, such as focusing on your breath for five minutes or observing your surroundings using your senses (What do you see, smell, hear, feel, taste).

8. Limit Screen Time

Excessive screen time, especially on social media, can negatively impact mental health. Set boundaries to ensure you’re not overstimulated or comparing yourself to others. Reminder: Social media is *fake*,don’t compare your low moments to others ‘highlight reels’ or the best/edited moments often seen online.

• Suggestion: Use apps or settings to limit your screen time and designate tech-free hours, especially before bed.

9. Engage in Creative Outlets

Creative activities like painting, writing, or playing music can provide an emotional release and improve mood. Don’t worry about the end result; focus on the joy of creating.

• Activity: Dedicate an hour each week to a creative pursuit that brings you joy.

10. Seek Professional Support

Sometimes, the best way to support your mental health is to reach out to a therapist. Therapy offers a safe space to explore your feelings, develop coping skills, and navigate challenges. Connect with me for a session or a free 15-minute consultation in-person in Oakville or virtually, to explore how to may work together to accomplish your goals or tackles your setbacks.

• Take Action: If you’ve been considering therapy, the new year is a perfect time to schedule an initial consultation.

How to Create Sustainable Habits?

The key to maintaining mental health throughout the year is consistency. Rather than overwhelming yourself with multiple changes at once, focus on integrating one or two new practices into your routine at a time. Over time, these small shifts can lead to significant improvements.

Tips for Building Habits

1. Start Small: Begin with manageable steps to build confidence and momentum.

2. Be Patient: Change takes time, and setbacks are part of the process.

3. Track Your Progress: Use a journal or app to monitor your habits and celebrate milestones.

4. Stay Flexible: Adjust your approach as needed to fit your lifestyle and priorities.

How to Overcome Challenges?

It’s normal to face obstacles when trying to prioritize mental health. Common challenges include lack of time, motivation, or energy. Here are some strategies to overcome them:

• Time Management: Identify your top priorities and schedule time for mental health activities.

• Motivation: Remind yourself of your “why” and visualize the benefits of your efforts.

• Energy: Listen to your body and rest when needed. Sometimes, taking a break is the best form of self-care.

• Self-compassion: Learning a new skill can be hard. Don’t let small failures knock you off course of your goals. It’s how we show up for ourselves when we realize we fell off from our goal that makes the difference. How we talk to ourselves in these moments are crucial to encouraging ourselves to keep trying to develop that new habit or skill.

The Role of Therapy in the New Year

Therapy is a valuable tool for anyone looking to improve their mental health, whether you’re navigating specific challenges or simply seeking personal growth. A therapist can help you:

• Identify areas for improvement and set realistic goals.

• Develop strategies to manage stress and build resilience.

• Gain insight into patterns and behaviours that may be holding you back.

If you’re ready to take the next step in your mental health journey, consider reaching out to a therapist. The new year is an excellent time to invest in yourself and create a foundation for lasting well-being.

Book today for your new years – new you – checkup!

The new year is a time of opportunity and renewal. By prioritizing your mental health and incorporating supportive activities into your routine, you can set the stage for a more balanced and fulfilling year. Remember, small changes can lead to significant growth, and seeking support when needed is a sign of strength.

If you’re looking for guidance or support, I’m here to help. Together, we can create a personalized plan to help you achieve your goals and thrive in the year ahead. Let’s make this year one of growth, resilience, and mental wellness.

Reach out to connect at alessia.therapy@gmail.com. We can connect and explore if you think we will be a good fit to move forward with your therapy goals in a free 15-minute consultation. Sessions are offered in-person in Oakville, as well as virtually.

As a therapist, a common struggle I see clients face is the inability to offer themselves the same kindness and understanding that they readily give to others. A lack of self-compassion can create significant barriers to mental and emotional well-being. This can look like holding yourself to impossibly high standards, feeling overwhelmed by your perceived failures, or getting stuck in a cycle of self-criticism.

If you’ve ever found yourself feeling like your own worst enemy, you’re not alone. It’s a deeply human experience to judge ourselves harshly, especially when we’re stressed, struggling, or feeling vulnerable.

But what if I told you there was another way? Self-compassion isn’t just a nice idea; it’s a trans-formative practice that can fundamentally change the way you communicate with yourself, support your mental and emotional well being, and tackle the challenges life throws your way.

Let’s explore what self-compassion is made up of, why it matters, and how you can begin incorporating it into your life. As you read, I encourage you to approach this topic with curiosity. This isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress.

Reach out to book a free 15 minute consultation to discuss how we can work together to add self-compassion into your healing journey.

What is Self-Compassion?

Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness, care, and support that youwould offer to a close friend who is suffering. It consists of three key elements:

1. Self-Forgiveness: Instead of being critical and judgmental when you make a mistake or experience pain, you respond with understanding, patience, and encouragement. Think of the comforting words you’d offer a loved one and offer those same words to yourself.

2. Common Humanity: Recognizing that suffering, mistakes, and imperfection are a normal part of the shared human experience. When we feel alone in our struggles, we tend to amplify our pain. Self-compassion reminds us that everyone faces difficulties—you are not alone.

3. Mindfulness: Being aware of your thoughts and emotions in the present moment without judgment or avoidance. This means acknowledging your pain rather than suppressing it or becoming consumed by it.

At its core, self-compassion is about showing up for yourself with warmth and understanding, no matter what you’re going through. I can help you develop these skills and bring a more compassionate way to talk to yourself and support yourself.

Why Does Self-Compassion Matter?

Many people mistakenly believe that being kind to themselves will make them lazy or unmotivated. They hold onto the belief that harsh self-criticism is necessary to improve and achieve. However, research tells a different story.

Studies have shown that self-compassion is strongly linked to greater emotional resilience, motivation, and overall well-being. Here are just a few of the many benefits:

• Reduced Anxiety and Depression: People who practice self-compassion experience lower levels of stress, anxiety, and depression. By offering themselves kindness during difficult times, they avoid getting stuck in cycles of shame and self-blame.

• Improved Resilience: When you treat yourself compassionately, you’re better able to bounce back from setbacks. Instead of seeing failure as a reflection of your worth, you can view it as an opportunity to learn and grow. Self-compassion can also ask the important questions like, what do I define as a failure? Is this a fair measure? Would I hold someone else to this standard?

• Healthier Relationships: Self-compassion allows you to show up authentically in your relationships. When you have a kind relationship with yourself, you’re less likely to depend on others for validation or approval.

• Increased Motivation: Surprisingly, being kind to yourself fosters a healthier drive to improve. Rather than motivating yourself with fear or punishment, self-compassion encourages growth through care and understanding.

Self-compassion isn’t about ignoring problems or avoiding responsibility. It’s about creating a foundation of kindness and acceptance that enables you to navigate life with greater clarity and courage.

Why is Self-Compassion so Hard?

Even when we understand the importance of self-compassion, many of us find it difficult to practice it. Why is that?

One reason is that self-criticism or a negative internal dialogue may feel familiar. For many people, it’s a learned response developed in childhood, where perfection or achievement may have been necessary to gain approval or avoid criticism. Over time, this critical voice can become so ingrained that it feels like a normal part of who we are. Having to bully ourselves into change is not a fair way to encourage ourselves. For this reason, it comes at a sacrifice to our emotional and mental well being.

What causes me to have a negative inner critic?

Additionally, cultural and societal messages often glorify toughness and independence. We’re told to “power through” difficulties and to view kindness toward ourselves as weakness. This mindset can make self-compassion feel counter-intuitive or undeserved. Together we can explore the expectations or pressures we may feel to act a certain way and figure out how to support a worldview that better aligns with your personal beliefs.

If any of these challenges resonate with you, know that you’re not alone. Building self-compassion is a process, and like any skill, it takes practice and patience. I will always say, if it was easy you would be doing it already. We do the hard stuff in therapy.

5 Steps on How to Start Practicing Self-Compassion

The good news is that self-compassion can be learned. Below are a few practical ways to begin integrating this powerful practice into your daily life:

1. Notice Your Inner Critic

Start by paying attention to the way you talk to yourself, especially during difficult moments. Is your inner voice harsh, critical, or unforgiving? If so, pause and ask yourself: Would I say this to a loved one? A friend? If not, try reframing your words with kindness. For example, instead of saying, “I’m such a failure,” you could say, “I’m struggling right now, but I’m doing the best I can.”

2. Practice Self-Soothing

When you’re feeling overwhelmed or hurt, offer yourself comfort. This can be as simple as placing a hand over your heart, taking deep breaths, or repeating a gentle phrase like, “This is hard, but I’m here for myself.” Physical gestures of kindness can have a calming effect on your nervous system. Similarly to noticing your inner critic, you can ask yourself: How would I show up for a loved one in a similar situation? What support would I give? We give the way we want to receive and if you can hold that space for another, you deserve to give that support to yourself as well.

3. Embrace Common Humanity

Remind yourself that imperfection is part of being human. When you make a mistake or face hardship, instead of isolating yourself, remember that everyone experiences moments of struggle. You are not alone in this.

4. Write a Self-Compassionate Letter

Take a moment to write a letter to yourself as if you were writing to a close friend who is struggling. Offer understanding, support, and encouragement. Re-reading this letter in difficult times can serve as a powerful reminder of your capacity for self-kindness.

5. Engage in Mindfulness

Mindfulness helps you observe your thoughts and emotions without judgment. When difficult feelings arise, try to notice them without labeling them as “good” or “bad.” Instead, acknowledge them with compassion: “I’m feeling anxious right now, and it’s normal to feel anxious sometimes– Struggle is a part of the human experience.”

A Gentle Reminder

Self-compassion isn’t about changing who you are; it’s about softening the way you relate to yourself. You don’t need to earn the right to treat yourself with kindness—you already deserve it, it’s not something you need to earn.

If this feels challenging, that’s okay. Like any skill, self-compassion takes time, patience, and practice. Start small, celebrate your progress, and remember: even the intention to treat yourself with more kindness is a step toward healing.

If you find yourself struggling with self-compassion and want additional support, therapy can provide a safe space to explore these challenges. Together, we can work to quiet your inner critic, cultivate self-kindness, and build a more compassionate relationship with yourself.

You are worthy of your own care and understanding—let this be the beginning of offering yourself the love and compassion you so freely give to others.

If this topic resonates with you and you’d like to learn more, I’m here to help. Feel free to reach out to schedule a 15 minute consultation at alessia.therapy@gmail.com, where we can explore how self-compassion can support your journey toward healing and growth. Sessions are offered in-person in Oakville, as well as virtually.

Alessia Zita, Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying)